We begin to rationalise after a while, and I realise that soon enough no-one will give a second thought to most of the sadiversaries that are beginning to come around for me and my little Terrett family. For now we are still in the first year and so they are particularly raw. I guess for me some of the dates that are etched into me will begin to fade over time, while some will quite rightly stand out for the rest of my life.

Today is probably one of the faders. A year ago today we lost our first major battle in Ruth’s illness when we were no longer able, even with help, to care for her at home. With her total agreement it was time and an ambulance arrived and I took her into St. David’s Hospice Newport where they would continue her care. A year ago today was the last time she was in our home, the last time she saw her dogs, the last time we woke up together, the last day she was home. We took pictures in the ambulance, they are for myself and the children only, every time I look at them I break at little.

A year on my own in this house, fuck.