“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching”

I always know when it is coming, but usually have not known why – of course logic and reason can be applied, but it’s the feelings that count, that make it inevitable. And those feelings are semi-conscious feelings, a moment of wistfulness, a hypnagogic interlude, the whisper of a song, a long forgotten smell.

It starts with broken sleep, not bad sleep but broken, lately waking up at stupid o’clock, dozing on the sofa in the evening, getting woken by Mr Cairn at 1am when he has caught wind of a potent smell drifting in from the garden. Then coincidental hearing of music from other times of change – this morning flicking channels a film had Blue Moon (revisited) by the Cowboy Junkies playing in the background. Then a smell – summer rain and dust mixing. Then a desire to travel again, to be on the road in America or back in Moscow.

This is a pattern I know, and may be illogical or may be coincidence, but really it is neither. It is a shift in me that will lead to change. I tell clients that nothing remains the same, it either progresses or deteriorates. At pivotal points restlessness sets in and the outcome is inevitable. Am I going to leave home – of course not, or pack it all in and knit yoghurts for a living, of course not.

Watch this space.

“May the bridges I burn light the way.”